


Hey, Ex-Kid

by I_is_turtle



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Character Growth, Character Study, During/Post Season 1, Family Dynamics, Gen, Not Beta Read, Past Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-29
Updated: 2019-03-29
Packaged: 2019-12-26 09:38:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18280532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_is_turtle/pseuds/I_is_turtle
Summary: Ben Hargreeves died, but it's what happened afterwards that's really important.





	Hey, Ex-Kid

**Author's Note:**

> I've been a fan of Ben since I first read the comics, despite the fact that he only appears in flashbacks. Naturally, when the show blessed us with Ben content, I just had to write something. So I wrote a character study of our favorite ghost. The title is from X-Kid by Green Day. Enjoy!

See, the thing about Ben is that he's a bit of a liar.

  
No, that's not quite true. Ben doesn't tell the truth is a more accurate statement. He omits things, twists words, presents opinions and wishful thinking as fact. It wasn't always this way, but since dying, since ending up as Klaus's own shoulder angel, well. Who could blame him for a couple white untruths? No, Luther wouldn't do anything for Klaus, but it was better to have faith in him, better to convince Klaus to look out for others, and, deep inside Ben, there was a child's voice that still desperately wanted to believe it was true. (If asked, he'd say that it was death that shattered his illusion of a perfect Number One, but he'd been lying to himself far longer than he'd been lying to others.)  
And another lie: ghosts don't change. Another half-truth, in fairness; ghosts can't really change anything about the world. But ghosts themselves? They can change. They can mature, grow, learn, unfettered by worldly concerns. Watching his siblings over Klaus' shoulder–reading Vanya's book, seeing Allison get everything she wanted on corner-store TV's, seeing glimpses of Diego at night in shady corners of the city, even just living in Klaus' pocket–it occurred to Ben that, in death, he'd somehow become the most emotionally mature of all of them. (It wasn't a high bar, and he was still dead, so it wasn't much of an accomplishment, but it had to count for something.)  
He was still an idealist. He wanted to believe that his siblings could change, that everything they did as kids was for good, that maybe his death had some positive impact, somehow. But he wasn't blind anymore. He didn't believe that the world was kind of fair, didn't believe that a few nice words alone would fix a broken relationship, that their father had ever held some scrap of love for any of them. His naiveté hadn't been immediately shattered by death, no, but it was only after death that it had really disappeared.  
Ben spent a lot of time thinking after death. There wasn't much else to do, except talking to a brother who ignored him half the time. He thought about people passing by, and the world, and the books he missed, and how he somehow felt empty without the horror inside him, and standards of right and wrong, and waffles, and Klaus, and himself. And nobody alive knew it or noticed it, but by the time a screen in an ambulance announced his father's death, Ben had changed.

All of this is to say that Ben being alive again was deeply weird for everyone, except, perhaps, for Klaus. Feeling things again for the first time in years, eating, sleeping, being reunited with the beast in his belly–it was amazing, wonderful, ineffably great, and yet, somehow, it still felt deeply wrong to Ben.   
( _Of course you're struggling, you've got your own life to live after trying to live mine all these years_ , said Klaus, and Allison gasped and started lecturing Klaus– _how could you, be greatful that he's back, for once in your life have some sensitivity_ –but Ben just laughed and leaned deeper into Klaus' shoulder, and shot back a _you're just in denial that you're hopeless without me_ , and somewhere in the background Allison had stopped, but Ben didn't care, he was too caught up in being alive, alive, alive.)  
But his siblings, who hadn't seen him since he died, who had him frozen in memory and idealized; they were caught off guard by his changes. Ben thought he understood Five a little better, now; everyone looked at them and saw thirteen-year-olds (and wasn't that unfair, to be seen as younger when they were all, technically, thirteen now) and expected them to be the same as they were when they were thirteen, or when they disappeared, or when they died. (Ben had lived past thirteen, but it was hard to tell if his siblings remembered that, or just saw him, and assumed that he had been, somehow, unlike literally everyone else, reverted to his younger mind.) But not even Five's face was clear from shock whenever they were forcibly reminded that Ben was different. When his glares cut deeper than Diego's knives, or his tone was more bitter than Five's favorite coffee, or he interrupted Luther with more authority than the once-leader could seem to muster these days; every time, Ben could see the surprise on their faces, as much as they tried to hide it. And sometimes, he forgot that everyone could hear him, and while it hadn't lead to trouble yet, it had lead to a few awkward moments. ( _Since when does Ben hold grudges_ , he heard Diego whisper after Ben had made a few comments, more aggressive than passive-aggressive, about how _at least to my knowledge, good leaders don't lock up people who need help. Good leaders pay attention when people go missing, and_ he cut himself off there, because if he mentioned letting your brother die right in front of you, everyone would think _Ben_ instead of _Klaus_ , and he wasn't going to make a blow that low yet. It still shut Luther up, though, along with everyone else, and that was the end of the "family meeting." But Ben heard Diego, and he heard Vanya whisper back to Diego, _I don't know, but I don't mind it_ , and he couldn't help but smile.)


End file.
